8 Things You Should Know Before Swallowing Semen

If it tastes good to you, that means you might actually have a nutrient deficiency. Just sayin’.

As a lady who has never swallowed (I know, I know, whaaaat?!), the subject of semen has always intrigued me. Honestly, I’m surprised more people don’t want to research this translucent goo we allow into multiple orifices. Sure, sperm helps make babies, but what else do we know about jizz? Let’s get all Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on this gunk and find the secret of the ooze.

1. Having a Semen Allergy Is Legit

It’s pretty rare — only about 40,000 women in the U.S. actually have this allergy — but yep, it can happen. According to the Guide to Getting It On, it’s caused by a reaction to a particular protein in semen. Symptoms include pain, redness, swelling, and itching in a woman’s vagina and where the semen touches her skin (including her mouth). So if your mouth gets itchy after swallowing, you might want to go talk to your doctor. I apologize in advance for that awkward conversation with your ob/gyn.

2. Semen Will Burn If It Gets In Your Eyes

Feels like a no brainer, but just in case you need a refresher: Keep all semen away from your eyes. Not only is that shit sticky, but our handy-dandy friend spermine also makes it burn on contact with your eyes. Because remember, spermine is a chemical, and you learned in eighth grade science class that chemicals should be kept as far away from your eyes as possible. Now, I’m not saying your eyes are doing any swallowing, but they are in close vicinity to your mouth. So it’s just something to be aware of, okay?

3. Spermine Gives Semen That Bleachy Smell

It sounds made up, I know. But it’s real. Spermine, which is produced in the prostate gland, is a member of the polyamine family of chemicals, according to the Guide to Getting It On. Granted, semen are like snowflakes — no two wads are alike — and while each man produces a different smell depending on changes in pH levels within the semen (not to mention how the body reacts), that little chemical is often what makes it smell like you’re about to ingest a bottle of Clorox. You’ve been warned.

4. Semen Is Created In Three Different Parts of the Body

This whole time I always thought the testicles were responsible for creating so much jizz you feel like you’re going to drown if you don’t swallow fast enough. But it turns out that they’re only responsible for making about 5 percent of the semen, whereas the seminal vesicles provide 65 to 80 percent and the prostrate contributes 15 to 30 percent. So really, there are other body parts to blame. But the testicles aren’t totally innocent — they contribute the sprinkles to a man’s sundae: the sperm.

5. Semen’s Viscosity Changes Once It’s Ejaculated

According to the Guide to Getting It On, a protein called prostate-specific antigen (PSA) mixes with the semen, causing it to become watery, which is what allows sperm to swim all up in it. It’s also why you may have to wipe dribble off your face post-swallow. Science, man.

6. If You Think Semen Tastes Good, You May Have a Zinc Deficiency

Zinc has a very distinct — and many would say gross — taste. It’s also present in semen, and according to the Guide to Getting It On, if you consume something that has zinc and it doesn’t taste bad, you may have a zinc deficiency. Granted, you’ll need to talk to an actual expert (AKA a doctor) to get a real diagnosis, but, hey, that’s a pretty creative way to get the ball rolling.

7. Sperm and Semen Are Not the Same Thing

You know how the testicles are responsible for contributing the sperm to the semen? That right there is explains that sperm is just a small part — about 1 percent, to be exact — of the enigma that is semen. The white stuff also contains citric acid, zinc, protein, fructose, acid, magnesium, calcium, acid phosphate…you get the idea. There’s a lot of stuff going on. So much so, it kind of sounds like one of those $6 masks sold at Sephora — but there’s no need for a homemade facial anytime soon. (Unless you’re into that.)

8. Semen Could Help You Live Longer

Seriously! According to a study published in Nature Medicine, spermidine, a chemical found in semen, helped rats’ hearts function better and reduced blood pressure, in turn helping them live longer. Granted, these were rats and not people. But still — the more you know.